


The Truth of the Matter

by thingcalledlove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Hale is not infallible, Inferiority Complex, M/M, Unbeta'd, hints of depression, implied suicidal thoughts, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 01:57:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/616799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingcalledlove/pseuds/thingcalledlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The truth of the matter was, Derek had ever really been good at two things. Being used and being left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth of the Matter

The curtains in Stiles’ room were pushed open letting the moonlight steam inside, creeping across the floor and onto the bed where two bodies lay silently in the cramped space. 

Derek turned his head so he could watch the slow rise and fall of Stiles chest as he drifted off to sleep. The previous streams of sweat looked as if they had dried, and the night time chill was causing goose bumps to rise in their place. Derek shifted slightly so he could pull up the sheet and tuck it around Stiles. He didn’t bother pulling it up enough to pull it up past his own waist, since his werewolf genes kept him from getting cold. 

He settled himself back on the bed, careful not to let his movements wake Stiles as he slept. Once the afterglow of his previous activities diminished, the darkness in him came out full force. He could feel it in his veins, dampening the warmth that Stiles had filled him with. It was like an invisible hand would reach out and take a strong hold over his heart, squeezing until he could feel nothing but fear, pain and an ache of loneliness. 

His eyes drifted back over to the sleeping boy next to him, as if trying to convince himself that things were different now, but he couldn’t make himself believe it. 

The truth of the matter was, Derek had ever really been good at two things. Being used and being left.

It had all started with Kate Argent. She had been the first in a long line to use him and leave him. He had been young, and stupid, blinded by his hormones the way most sixteen year old boys are. He thought he was in love with her, he really did. In hindsight, he realized how obvious it was he was being used. They had sex, but she was also so in control of herself, and it was always so violent. He could take it, but it always felt off. He had just brushed it off as her being older and more experienced, when in truth; she was just trying to hurt him. In the end she succeeded, taking almost his entire family away from him, and leaving him with nothing but grief and guilt. 

He still lived with that feeling every day of his life and he wasn’t sure if he would ever stop feeling that way. He tried to hide it behind his glares and frowns, but at the end of the day, it was still there. 

Stiles sighed from beside him, pulling him out of his thoughts, numbing his feelings as he took in the wonder that was Stiles Stilinski. His mouth was slightly ajar, making Derek’s mouth tug upwards. His lips were lightly bruised from the kissing. His neck was peppered with more faint bruises where Derek had nipped at the skin with his human teeth, something he had realized when they first started sleeping together, Stiles really enjoyed.

His own skin was unblemished, with whatever hickeys Stiles had created fading almost instantly. Even the scratches across his shoulders where Stiles had dug his nails into when Derek had gone down on him had faded into oblivion, despite the fact that Stiles had gripped him so tight that he had drawn blood.

It wasn’t long until his mind took him back to the dark place he tried in vain to escape from. It was a self-inflicted prison Derek couldn’t break his way out of. He was starting to believe that it wasn’t so much a prison as it was a form of self-preservation. 

Laura had been the next person to leave him. What was supposed to be a short trip to Beacon Hills had turned into having the only person he had left being taken from him. When Laura died, he wasn’t filled by guilt and grief like he had been the last time. Those feeling were still there, but it was overshadowed by the feeling of deserving it. As if this was the price of surviving when the rest of his family had burned to death because of his mistake.

Derek felt that killing his uncle Peter was also a part of paying the price for his sins. What could be worse than having to kill the only remaining member of your family? It didn’t even matter that Peter had deserved it. If Derek hadn’t fucked everything up all those years ago, everyone he loved would still be alive. He had secretly been relieved to find out that Peter didn’t stay dead for long, and that he bowed out enough that Derek wouldn’t be forced to kill him again. He wasn’t sure if he had it in him. Even then, Peter Hale was an enigma, and Derek didn’t trust him. He was fairly certain that Peter was still playing him most of the time, but for what purpose, he could never figure out. 

Scott was still around, but he had made it clear that he wasn’t a part of Derek’s pack. It didn’t stop him from getting Derek involved in whatever mess he found himself in, but Derek went willingly. He had saved Scott’s life more times than he could count and would continue to do so, even though Scott had told him countless times that he would not answer to him. He couldn’t even blame the kid. He wouldn’t answer to himself either if he could help it. 

Derek hadn’t even been surprised when Erica and Boyd had left him, after he turned them into better versions of themselves. It was something just expected to happen by that point. He was surprised that Isaac had stuck around, but he knew that had more to do with Scott, than with anything he had ever done. The two had formed a strong friendship, and although Isaac was still officially part of his pack, he spent much more time with Scott and his. Derek knew that a few months, when they all graduated and headed off to colleges across the country, Derek would foot the bill for Isaac, because no one else could. He would do it willingly.

“Derek?” Stiles asked his voice rough with sleep. 

Derek could see Stiles squinting at him in the moonlight, because his night vision was nowhere as good as Derek’s. He watched as Stiles leaned closer, resting his hand on Derek’s abdomen, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Derek responded softly, his body stiff as a board.

“Are you sure?” Stiles asked as his fingers dipped down lower, brushing against the coarse hairs that made up his happy trail. His mouth made contact with Derek’s shoulder blade where he placed a gentle kiss. 

“Yeah,” Derek answered as he lowered his mouth to captures Stiles’ lips with his own in a slow, lazy kiss. His hand curling around the back of Stiles’ neck to bring him closer. 

Eventually he pulled back, leaving Stiles looking at him with a frown on his face.

“You should get some sleep,” Derek said, answering the unasked question, “Don’t you have a bio test in the morning?”

Stiles made a face, but fell back on his side of the bed, “My dad won’t be back until the morning. You’ll stay the night, right?”

He looked so hopeful that Derek just nodded, letting Stiles settle himself in around Derek, skin on skin, sending a terrifying feeling rocketing through Derek. 

He can’t help but hate himself for falling for the boy beside him. In the two months since Stiles turned eighteen, the two have in involved in a very physical relationship that was built on the sexual tension and heated looks that had been around for much longer. 

In a couple months time, Stiles would be off to college while Derek would be staying behind in Beacon Hills. Stiles would probably find someone who is actually worth his time, and Derek would once again be left behind. He should be used to it by now, and a part of him was. But Stiles wasn’t just anyone. Stiles was Stiles, and Derek was terrified about losing him. He hated himself for succumbing to his feelings but he reasoned that a few months with Stiles would be worth the utter heartbreak when Stiles found someone else. Someone who wasn’t so emotionally fucked up. Someone who actually deserved him. Derek knew he didn’t deserve him, but he was selfish enough to try and keep him around for as long as he could. 

The truth of the matter was that one day, Stiles, along with the rest of them, would leave him. He would remain behind in Beacon Hills though because at the end of the day, if Stiles, or Scott or Isaac or Lydia or anyone ever needed him, they’d be able to find him. He would gladly take their place to fight off whatever monster ever came after them, because unlike them, he didn’t have anything to really live for anymore. Nothing to lose and nothing really to tie him down to this world. 

When Stiles left him, so would his only real reason to wake up every morning.


End file.
